Jessie 2.0

I am void of all creative thought lately.  I’m not sure why.  Maybe it’s because I haven’t been writing enough.  I know it’s a discipline just like anything else that anyone wants to do well … but usally the impulse - the inspiration - just comes to me.  I have been impulse free for a while now.  

My life is complicated.  Complicated by my own creation … but complicated nevertheless.  I’m getting a divorce, I live in a new city, I’m meeting new people and still trying to maintain relationships with people from home.  I’m dropping the ball in some regards … not responding to emails or phone calls … not making an effort in keeping those lines of communication open.  I’m struggling to pay my bills and attempt life on my own.  I haven’t been to church in months.  I miss my family and friends more than I can express.

But despite all that, things are good.  I really like my job.  It challenges me and has a lot of potential to be more.  My new roommates are great people who have made me feel very welcome.  I’m starting to finally figure my way around this gigantic city (well the suburb parts of it, at least).  I’m meeting some truely amazing people who are teaching me more about myself and life than I thought possible.

So, things are bad and good.  A struggle and a joy.  A burden and a relief.  Bascially … I’m living life.  And today that’s more than enough.

“Fear is the biggest keeper of somebody being able to do their work - any kind of work - the fear of making a mistake, the fear of not getting it right the first time - and that fear keeps people from trying things - making fantastic mistakes, dramatic mistakes, hopeless mistakes - but that mistake that you can then learn from and make your work better - so have courage, go for it, try it - that’s the best advice I can give.”

- Tony Award winning costume designer Susan Hilferty, Threadbanger interview

Fear cripples us.  It keeps us quiet when we should be bold, still when we should be moving, reserved when the moment calls for passion.  It keeps us from being the people that we are meant to be - our true selves locked in a prison of fear and judgement.  How many things have you done, or not done, because of fear?  How many steps forward have you not taken?  Opportunities missed?

There is beauty in the mistake.  A mistake shows that you had the courage to try - that for one moment you were not ruled by the fear.  A mistake says that you are actively seeking out something better instead of waiting for it to come to you.  

I have let the fear control my life at times.  I’ve watched opportunities go by and later wondered “What would have happend if ….”  I’ve also made many mistakes.  It has been through those mistakes that my life has truely been lived.  All of my great stories, great loves, and chances to learn just how emense my person - my soul - can really be I owe to my mistakes.  

So on a thoughful Sunday morning I am mindful of the fear and what it is keeping me from realizing and thankful for my mistakes and the places that they have brought me.  And you can never truely succeed if you are afraid of failure.  

“So have courage, go for it, try it - that’s the best advice I can give.”  - Amen

My friend Deb recently sent me a link to an article on Inhabitat about a new car from Hungary called the Antro Solo. This baby is right on the cutting edge of eco-friendly design and totally reminds me of something from some futuristic space movie.

It’s a human and gas-electic hybrid car.  Bascially, there are solar panals on the roof that store all the power needed for short trips (15 - 25km or 9 - 15 miles for us in the states) and if you’re planning on going further or it happens to be a cloudy day the passenger seats (of which there are two) have pedles to power up the generator.  It’s made entirely of carbon fiber and weighs only 270 kg (about 595 lbs).

There is definitely some great eco-innovation happening around the world.  I’m not entirely sure this car is a very practical solution to our problems but can you imagine rolling up to your friends house in this?!

I received an email today from Amazon stating that the kindle now had over 170,000 titles available, including magazines and newspapers. The idea of the kindle has always intrigued me and, I have to admit, this latest email has gotten me seriously thinking about the kindle as an actual gadget I might want.

I’m a gadget geek and I love all things new and shiny so, of course, in that regard the kindle sparks my interest. And as a would-be greenie I love the idea of all the trees being saved by not purchasing books. And the kindle also offers the instant gratification of their wifi service which (as I understand it) allows you to connect, purchase and download new content for no charge (for the wifi – the content has a fee, of course).

But here are my sticking points:

1. The price. At a whopping $359.00 I can’t help but think that there are quite a few other things I could do with that money. And I’d still have to buy the books and things I want to read on top of all of that.

2. Having yet another gadget that I’d have to deal with charging and keeping track of. The funny thing about these wonderful gadgets is that no one gadget does everything perfectly so I still need them all!! I have an iphone which combined my pda and cell phone – however I hate the ipod interface – it’s not at all car friendly (meaning, that I can’t pick a song while I’m driving and not smash into other cars) – so I have an ipod as well. The idea of lugging around my kindle, iphone, and ipod (and all the car chargers!) has me thinking I need a bigger purse. Some of you are probably saying that I could read books on my iphone, but we all know that the screen isn’t very “bright light” friendly and the battery life is not such that I could sit for an hour or so and read a book on my lunch break.

3. I love books. I have a ton of them. I’ve probably single handedly killed many MANY trees. There’s something about holding the book in your hands – feeling and smelling the paper – that I think I would sorely miss if all my books were on the kindle. And I know that there are highlight and annotate features on the kindle but I just can’t imagine how it would compare to have a book all marked up and highlighted with little sticky notes sticking out of it all over the place.

So, I sit firmly on the kindle fence. What do you think?

I could survive for 19 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor

Created by Bunk Beds Pedia

So, I feel like there are two of me.  A split personality, if you will.  

One side is sort of a hippie/earthy type.  She finds all the rampent consumerism disgusting, completely and totally supports organic/fair trade/non-sweat shop anything, and thinks everyone should get rid of their cars.  She knows not to use paper towels or paper plates, to use cloth shopping bags, to only use organic hair and skin care products.  She has felt guilt and sorrow as she sat at Panera looking at her bacon turkey bravo sandwich and ceaser salad and wondered if the people who grew the vegetables had a good life or if they were being exploited and taken advantage of.  

Then there’s the other side.  She’s every advertisers wet dream.  If it’s pretty or shiney she will be attracted to it and want it.  She finds personal satisfaction in the shopping experience - a sense of pride when her beautiful (and no doubt expensive) purchases are delicatly wrapped up and placed in the perfect bag proclaiming to the world that she is a person of good taste - and the sense of failure when she just can’t seem to find anything that she wants to buy.  She loves the name brand items equally for their style and for their name.  She luxuriates in soft synethic fabrics and enjoys a cup of expensive coffee with no thought to the origins.  She loves being pampered and wishes she had more time for manicures and pedicures.

In my head these two people can’t mix.  When I endulge the one I can feel the other side of me shaking her head sadly and wondering where she’s gone wrong.  But I can’t help it!!  I love things!!  I’m a consumerist!!  I’m totally a product of my times.  I want the lastest and the greatest.  The inner turmoil is killing me.  I’m tired of consently feeling guilty for either not buying things or for buying too many things.

I know there has to be a way to meld my two minds.  A way that hopefully won’t break the bank or make me any more insane than I already am.  Stay tuned for what I come up with.

Do you ever have those days when you know you have tons to say but you don’t have the motivation or energy to say it?  Well, I think I’m having on of those weeks.  I have many many blog posts swirling around in my head and soon they will find their way to the blog.  If only I could think my blog posts into being without having to actually type them.

Totally unrelated thought:  Is it just me or are cover bands or bands that immitate the Beatles sort of creapy in how much they try to be EXACTLY like them?

A Pringles vending machine!!!  This might be the coolest thing I’ve seen in a long time.  I really wanted to partake of some pringley goodness … if only they took credit cards …..

Seriously?!  Is this actually a banana hammock?!?!?!  Does anyone else think this is hilarious???

I found this today on Make Magazines Blog. The statue by Lawrence Argent called “I See What You Mean” is looking into the Denver Convention Center.

I’m sure we could wax philosophical about the implications of voyeuristic tendencies in today’s society or how so many of us lead these rather public online lives letting anyone “look in our window,” so to speak. But really all I’m thinking right now is, “HOLY CRAP A GIANT BEAR IS LOOKING IN MY WINDOW!!!”